Im at strip club and am horny
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
