Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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