Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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