is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
