You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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