I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
