I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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