Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize