Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
