If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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