Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
