i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
40s are totally the cure
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
