I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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