How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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