I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
