you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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