this boner is exhausting
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
