thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
