ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
