so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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