i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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