Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
