I cut my penus on the lid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
