playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize