Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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