I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
