My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
