At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
