Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
