I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
