everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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