i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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