every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
