Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dick very happy bro
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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