I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
