This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
