I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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