We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
