stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
