can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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