she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
