yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
