i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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