i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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