I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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