god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
