I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
