So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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