So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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