he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
