Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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