Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize