i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
