I love black thongs
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize