brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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