is your mom at the bar?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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