I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's paint friendship bongs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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