the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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