i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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