Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're breaking my sexual little heart
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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