I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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