so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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