I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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