I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
