Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
