i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize