He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
