I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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