You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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