Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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