captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
