Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
