haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
