My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
