I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
