2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
