They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize