i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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