i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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