new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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