Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
