dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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